pulpwood poetry and redneck review

This site is set up to promote the creative muse of pulpwood haulers and rednecks.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

just a litle braggin'

I have been to many a gathering where conversation starts civil, and then gets a little wild. This one thing rednecks do that really entertains me, it shows their natural creativity and willing to say anything. Why spend ten dollars per ticket plus a small fortune on refreshments going to the movies for entertainment. That's a waste of time and cash. If you really want to laugh and experience a good time, bring a cooler of beer to any redneck gathering. Then, get ready for some storytelling.
Our own president likes to talk big, likes to pretend he is a good ol' boy. He is a Yankee from Yale. If he went to a feedstore and tried to swap tales, he would be laughed off the sack of cubes he used for a seat. Maybe he should hang around for a while. He might learn a little something about real life, and how to lie better.

Just a Little Braggin'

Pull up a seat
grab a beer
swapping stories, tales, and lies
Is what we're doin' here

Did you hear about the fish I caught?
It was about this big
That's bigger than the boat you bought
after you sold the pig

That's nothing but a shad
added cousin Dan
You should've seen the one caught by Dad
Now that fish was a man

Bigger than your trailer home
and fought like a brahmer bull
With it we fed half the town
till everyone was full

Fishing for wussies and for fairies
shouted Uncle Bob
If you want something that's really scary
go hunting for a hog

I will stop this poem here. Not because I don't have anything else, but because I want everybody to savor the verse.(OK, I'm out of rhymes, but I will finish it later. It's fixing to rain and I need to feed the cows.)

Friday, January 27, 2006

Redneck Limericks

Limericks may be the most common poems constructed, yet I don't see many redneck limericks out there. There may be several reasons for this lack of participation;
1. Limericks are usually "off color." The rhyming patterns of this genre(foreign word) lends itself to using slang words. How else can you find and use a rhyme for Nantucket. Since I try to clean up what I look for, this really limits limericks.
2. I don't get around much. This would seem much more logical. Maybe there are tons of good, clean redneck limericks out here, but I am too lazy to find them.
3. Rednecks are for to sophisticated to use limericks. Sure, nice try.

Since I could not find many in the public domain, I made up a few myself. I need to admit that because of my up-bringing, I like limericks. It is absolutely a personality flaw, but I enjoy puns as well.

Mississippi Hippie
There once was a man from Mississippi, (why do limericks start out his way?)
Who became quite upset with a hippie, ( and who doesn't)
The long hair and beard
it all looked so weird
In fact you can saw he got snippy. (If it is good enough for a presidential
debate, it's good enough for this blog.)

So it's not great, it's not funny, and it's kind of stupid. What did you expect? Look at it this way, the postings here have to get better. One more and I will stop, I promise.

Up to the axles
A logger was driving a truck (a different beginning, whose impressed?)
In the mud until he got stuck
He climbed from the cab
And then he got mad
He could not believe his bad luck.

OK, OK, I give.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

red beard not neck Posted by Picasa

That Ol' Truck

That ol truck may look all ratty
It me be wrecked and old
It may not look too sexy
But never will it be sold

It's dented and it's rusty
To you it may look like hell
But to me it's like an old friend
And the stories it could tell

See that dent on the front fender
That's where I hit that tree
And the scratches on the rear bumper
That's where my girlfiend backed into me
(don't tell my wife)

I have had it stuck out in the mud
In water up to the hood
Out where no one else was
Way out in the woods

The seats are torn and tattered
The dashboard old and split
The radio doesn't work anymore
But I really don't miss it

The motor uses a little oil
And sucks down lot's of gas
I can't afford to drive it much
So I park it on the grass

That truck's a part of who I am
And part of you I've been
It has helped me out of many a jam
To hell and back again

It may not be easy on the eyes
It may not look like much
But I will never trade it
Because it's my favorite truck

pulpwood poetry and redneck review

Wecome to my new blog!
This is set up to honor and revel rural deep East texas life and southern lifestyle. I will post poems, stories, and press clippings covering the laid back living we enjoy. A word of warning, This blog is for everybody. All ages, sexes, ethnic backgrounds and education levels are welcome. Take off the white robes before you enter.

Let's kick back, and open up our sences of humor. Thin skinned peolple may be in trouble, but who ever heard of a thin skinned pulpwood hauler or a sensitve redneck. We are not here to tear people down, we are here to lift up.

First; a little history on why this blog has been created. I live in a world of rednecks, and I can be one pretty easily. For years we have gained the reputation as a bunch of beer guzleing(spelling?), cross burning, lazy, ignorant bums. We are more than that, we are creative, fun loving, hard working,(well some of them are,) people who love the rural southern forests and that way of life. Some folks look down on us, and some don't even recognize our existence. We will be silent no more. After the popularity of Blue Collar Comedy tour and King of the Hill, it is obvious that we have a place in society, the back.
We have the right and ability to express ourselves, so this is why this blog exists. No longer do you have to keep your redneck poems hidden away, now you have a place to share them with others. Do you have a story? Can you write? Now you can share.
A final note, this is a lot about poetry. It seems there are all kinds of poets these days. Not only do you have the usual sensitive and long suffering poets, but you have cowboy poets, fisherman poets, surburban housewife poets, etc. Let's celebrate the backwoods in all of us.